Why exactly my child became an outcast in the classroom? Is it possible to prevent manifestations of school persecution? The options for answers to these painful questions are offered by the expert of the National Fund for the Protection of Children from Cruelment Marina Akulova.
The helpless sacrifice in our society is far from always awakening sympathy. The weakness of the child, his humiliation can cause contempt and rejection in his peers. In a teenage environment, a negative attitude towards the victim of school violence on the principle of “is to blame, cannot fight back” often.
The child is in this situation complete helplessness, hopelessness, hopelessness. They own fear of meeting with offenders, before new torment and bullying, shame for their helplessness and humiliation. A victim’s child is also often characterized by self-accusation and justification of the behavior of the aggressor.
Can a child independently protect himself in a situation of bullying, solve his internal psychological problems, problems of the environment that formed a favorable environment for violence, and go out a happy winner? This is usually possible only with the help of adults.
Who is more often poisoned at school?
The formation of stereotypes of “victims” is influenced by factors such as a long traumatic situation, home and sexual violence, education aimed at suppressing personality, chronic diseases.
A child with a “victim” developed by the stereotypical behavior of the “victim” in relation to himself as an ordinary situation, including creating the conditions that contribute to the “termination of” the aggressor.
The victims of bullying are usually disturbing, socially unprotected, silent and restrained children. They are shy, sensitive, closed and shy, not confident in themselves, unhappy, prone to depression and suicidal thoughts, alone, they find a common language with peers and communicate more easily with adults.
If these are boys, they can be physically weaker than their peers and more sensitive than other boys, with reduced self -esteem and suffering self -esteem. Such children are vulnerable and cannot stand up for themselves.
Children who did not attend kindergartens were on individual training, it is more difficult to establish healthy relationships at school
Most often, these character characteristics are formed on the basis of signs that distinguish them from the total mass of peers. The reason for rejection can be ethnic or cultural affiliation, sexual orientation, belonging to a particular religious denomination, social status or other differences.
Children with developmental disabilities with visible anatomical defects are often subjected to bullying. Such problems of a child as stuttering, enuresis, weak vision and the need for constant wearing points can make him vulnerable. Skin color, too high or low growth, other appearance features can also be a reason for persecution in school.
Children who did not attend kindergartens rarely spent time with peers in children’s groups, were on individual education, training, it is more difficult to establish healthy relationships in the school environment. Evercity by any subject, occupation sometimes annoys peers. High or low intellectual abilities can cause a negative attitude of classmates.
Features of the child’s behavior caused by psychological violence:
- nervous tick, enuresis;appetite problems;sad appearance;
cases of colds and other diseases;
- anxiety, anxiety, sleep disturbance;
- long -lasting depressed state;
- a tendency to solitude, unwillingness to communicate;
- Excessive compliance or caution;
- Poor performance.
How can I prevent bullying?
1. More often invite classmates of the child to visit, and especially those to whom he sympathizes. If you have some unusual hobby, interesting for children, you can tell about it peers of the child. After all, if you can talk about all kinds of brands of cars for hours, then even the most notorious brawls will look into your mouth and after that they are unlikely to touch your child with a finger.
2. Create him “buffer zone”. Teach not to be afraid of classmates who have no less problems than he. Help the child to become a member of the classroom team, and not just go to school “For Knowledge” or to force parents. Remember that not only third-party observers, but also people who do not give offense are important to a child’s child.
Along with teachers, this may be a group of children sympathetic to him, which makes up a kind of buffer zone. And since the acts of violence at school are most often not in sight of teachers, but at breaks, in the school courtyard and on playgrounds, such a “buffer zone” of children will be able to help him in such situations.
3. Call not humble with the fate of the victim, and rebel against this, attracting friends to your side. Do not show weaknesses and fears of rapists and instead of sobs and requests for pardon to pounce on the pursuers, puzzling them with unexpected questions, or at least knowledge of unflattering facts about themselves.
4. Produce adequate self -esteem. In the case of overstated self -assessment, explain that any person has Achilles’s heel, and one who succeeds in mathematics can lag behind in physical education, and vice versa, the winner in athletics competitions can hardly cope with mathematics. All people are different, and abilities in some area are not a reason for boasting and demonstration of superiority over others.
How to respond to a child’s message about violence?
1. Take the child seriously.
2. Try to stay calm.
3. Find out how great the threat to the life of the child is.
4. Calm down and support the child with the words: “It’s good that you told me. You did the right thing ”;”I believe you”;”It’s not your fault”;“You have not got into such a situation, this happens with other children;”I’m sorry that it happened to you”.
5. Do not think that the child will definitely hates his offender.
6. Answer questions and try to help overcome the alarm of the child.
7. Think and discuss the tactics of assistance and ensure the security of the child.
How else to help a child?
Do not despair, support the child if he is in the role of a victim of school violence, and together look for resources to overcome the situation. Remind him that there are spheres of life in which he feels confident, and there will always be those who help – classmates, relatives, parents. This will allow the child to restore self -esteem.
Often children justify their pursuer, accusing themselves of what is happening. Together with the child, it is necessary to discuss the motives of the behavior of the aggressor: self -affirmation, psychological compensation for violence tested by himself, a kind of self -defense from aggression of the surrounding world.
The way out may be simple, but it does not occur to the child in a state of stress to use the resources available to him. Sometimes the slightest intervention is enough, a simple demonstration of the intention to defend himself in order to stop the persecution.
About this is the story of the 45-year-old Elena: “I go for a walk with the dog at the same time and periodically meet a schoolboy for 12 years old, at that time he goes home from school. One of the autumn evenings, walking past the stop, I saw him in the company of three teenagers who aggressively communicated with him, clearly demanding something. When I went very close to the guys, the boy escaped from their circle and approached me: “I can with you?”
The situation was clear to me and him. It turned out that adolescents meet him after school, take money, call him, but the boy does not want to tell his parents about this, since he is unpleasant to look like a scammer, a weakling. I had to convince the boy to tell about everything adults. “Or I will have to do it,” I promised. As soon as the older brother, only a couple of times to meet him from school, so that the offenders would no longer appear “.
How to make the child not become a victim of bullying?
This is what Alla Barcan advises in the book “28 Laws of Education. How desirable and not desirable to act to parents “: